July 7, 2003

Dearest Maria

Hi. Maria. How’s it going? I’m your best friend. Do you remember me? There are beautiful flowers and butterflies here. My keeper, God is very kind to me. It is fun, but I feel lonely in my heart, because you are not here with me. I am missing you very much, so this is why I write this letter to you.

Do you remember, Wednesday, June 28, 1984? I saw an angel for the first time, but it wasn’t any regular angel, it was you. That day was special day for me. The memories are so clear in my mind. I hard the sound of falling rain, and felt your soft cradling hands. I was very dirty, but the expression shown in your eyes were that of pure joy, and love. Your face was lit up by the shinning smile you have. Back home with tears in your eyes, pleading with your mother to make a life with me in your home. The day, we were united.

I grew up with you. Bath time, I was surprised and nervous by the sound of shower at first. I was unable to control myself and accidentally urinated all over the floor, but you didn’t get angry at me. You just held me gently washing me clean with this big smile on your face that never faded. You always made me feel very comfortable.

When dinnertime came, you dislike some foods, carrots, sweet green pepper, and peas. Secretly passing them to me underneath the table. One day the secret came to light by mother. I have never seen her very red face with anger. It was scary than a ghost. You cried holding me all night. I couldn’t do anything for you. All I could do was just look at you, but that was just enough.

Sleeping time, we always slept together. You were a restless sleeper, so you often kicked me, which hurt. However your sleeping face was like an angel.

On your Birthday, I wanted to see your smile. I didn’t know what I could give you. After considering everything possible, I decided to give you a flower. As I knew that you loved flowers and it would then be from the heart as well. I picked one flower from the garden. I was nervous as to whether you would be like or not. I got to see your smiling face.

Secrets, we decided to burry treasures deeply in the ground next to a big tree in the yard. Your treasures were a very beautiful shiny marble and the dry flower, which I gave you on your birthday. My treasure was my yummy bone. I was excited when we bury them, as it was something we did together. We made another secret, which I have never told anyone. Am I a good boy?

Jealousy, I pulled Mary’s hair and bit her. You got very angry at me. You didn’t play with me for a few while, did you know? I was jealous to your doll, Mary, because you always hold her and sometimes play with her all day. I wanted you to play just with me. I know it was selfish of me, I am sorry.

A worm home, food, name, affection, memories, smiles, and kindness, these are the things you gave me. You confessed everything to me. I felt I was a part of your family. Your smiles always cheered me up. I wish I could give you something.

Last of all, I want to say Thank you for everything. I was happy to spend my life with you. If I am born again and become a boy, would you marry me? You are a beautiful lady both inside and out. I will be forever with you. Take care.

With lots of love,

From Ryu in the Kingdom of Heaven